Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Conversation with Mr. Trainer: Baby steps

Ok dear readers….I do have lots of heavy stuff on the horizon and will get to them when it’s right for me.  (At least they’re heavy to me….and this is my blog so I’ll qualify what I want.)

So, tonight I began my second training session of the week very distracted, a little disappointed in life’s circumstances, and just willing myself to get through the next tortuous hour. 

Of course, like he always does, Mr. Trainer called me on it the second we began (maybe it's because we're friends....but sometimes I prefer to think he's just a friend to the devil and has a weird sixth sense when it comes to his clients) and encouraged me to focus, remember why I’m doing this, and reminded me that I deserve it.  I’ll spare you the details on that, because quite honestly even sometimes I, in fact, can find that even too syrupy sweet.  However, it’s the other times when I’m reminded of my strength – even just the physical – that I know I can make it through others.

A very short portion of a conversation……but a BIG reminder of why I’m doing this.

Tonight, while doing several different lifts – Mr. Trainer kept referring to the fact that he was a little taken aback that they were too easy.

Mr. Trainer:  “That last one was too light for you.  What do you think?”

Me:  “Well, we could try more.”

And then the next move………

Mr. Trainer: “Um…..that one needs to add more weight too.”

Me: “Ok, we can try it.”

This happened 3 more times with 3 different exercises.

Mr. Trainer: “ So………….exactly how long have you been holding out on me?”

Me: “Huh?”

Mr. Trainer:  “Mofabulous.  Try this weight.”

Me:  “Well, that’s ridiculous.  That’s NOTHING.”

Mr. Trainer: “Exactly.  We’ve just today more than doubled – close to tripled the weight you’ve started with IN EVERY EXERCISE and you’re breezing through this.  Why in the world do you still doubt yourself?  We CAN do this.  God, sometimes I wish I could just shake you into reality.”

I had a vague reaction of being proud of myself....but really just wanted to ball up and cry.  Why did that hit me like that?  Why am I always limiting myself?

And....those thoughts are so completely annoying....even to me.

I have no idea why that’s a common theme.  Sure, I have my suspicions…..but the why is difficult to comprehend – and face.  But, I saw a glimmer tonight of what I could be thanks to someone who’s not afraid of showing me – and I’m….Excited.Terrified.AndalittleHopeful…..about who that person could become. 

Let’s hope I have the faith and follow through with discovering Her. 

No comments: