Saturday, March 29, 2014

Because almost EVERYONE wants to know about Mr. Trainer....

I’m telling this story because sometimes I feel bad that he may be viewed in ways that it’s not meant.  And because he refuses to get into FB I kind of feel like I should defend him even if it’s my FB posts that got him into this!

So many people have asked, wondered, or commented about me and Mr. Trainer…here is the story, at least from my point of view.

6 years ago, I joined a gym and purchased a personal training package.

I walked into the gym and was introduced to Mr. Trainer.  He was kind, and a bit reserved due to the rules of the gym I think.  We laughed, talked, and got along very well.  After about 4 months of training, 30 pounds lost, and my package was up…..he announced he was taking a job at a different  gym.  A gym I didn’t feel like I would be comfortable in, so I became disinterested in the working out and proceeded to gain 60 pounds in the next 6 years. We had not spoken once since he left.

Cut to October 2013.  I was lost, broken, and utterly desperate.  So, I sent him a random FB message to see if he was still training.  He said, “Absolutely.  I’m at Diesel Fitness and I remember you…..come see me.”  I simply replied, “ I need help.”  His reply was….. “Come Monday after work.  I’ll meet you in the parking garage and take you up to where we are.”

When I met him that night it was so “Normal” I can’t even describe it.  He acted like zero time had gone by and that I hadn’t gained an oz.  He never asked what my weight or goal was…..he just said he wanted to see where we could start fitness wise.  So, we proceeded to workout for the first time in years.  It.Was.Terrible.  I was near tears at the end because of how bad it was yet he never once made me feel stupid or like I didn’t belong there.  He PROMISED me that this place would be good for me.  So, I meekly grabbed the life preserver he offered and held on for dear life.  I felt safe for the first time in so long I don’t even know when.

I can’t tell you what that is like for someone who was as hurt as I was.  And, I know that he won’t ever remember what he said to me that night with a kind hand on the shoulder, but I do.  “Come see me again on Thursday,  we’ll do better.  You did great.  I’m not giving up on you.” That was all, and those words completely changed me.

So, the story began again.

Day after day, week after week.  I have cursed him verbally and mentally, he’s expressed his frustrations, and I have sobbed until I was entirely spent and thrown up many times in the parking garage of that gym…..but he’s never given up on me.  Never once.

Do you know what that means to a girl?  It means for someone, somewhere, she is worth it. 

You see……There are two people in this entire world who know how much I actually weigh and my erratic thoughts behind it.  My Doctor and Mr. Trainer.….and only 1 whom I’m sure has concluded the self esteem issues behind it.   It doesn’t even bother me because when he asked?  It was with such care and adorableness I didn’t mind.

What is Mr. Trainer to me?

He’s someone who’s given me hope.

He’s someone whom even after the worst day can make me laugh unabashedly.

He’s someone who’s reminded me that I can and should be confident.

He’s someone that can tell me to “Be Strong” and I actually believe I can.

He’s someone who consistently pushes me until I have nothing left.

He’s someone I know believes in me when I don’t believe in myself.

Is he someone who shows me I can be loved and appreciated for who I am?  Absolutely…..but not by what you think.

I simply adore him and will never be able to express how thankful I am that he took a chance on me.  And when I say the Big Guy Upstairs knew what he was doing when he somehow put us together….I truly mean it……However……

Is he the ONE, Mofabulous?  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked this.

He is a dear, dear friend but nothing more.  ( I know, I sigh too at the thought, dang it! )

I so hate to disappoint you but no,…..We just weren’t meant for each other that way.  My heart doesn’t go pitter patter when I see him nor does his, I’m quite sure.  (And I’m a STRONG proponent for the pitter patter!) He’s an adorable, loveable, cutie for sure…...I WILL dance my face off at his wedding one day….. And, I for one, have an absolute blast while conquering my demons with him.  But….I’ve told others and I’m telling you.  I DESPERATELY need someone to challenge and push me past my limits without all of THOSE complications.  He IS the one for that though…and I do thank the big man upstairs for bringing him in my life.  On the daily.

Do I have a gym crush on him?  ABSOLUTELY.  But, I also have a TOTAL crush on the cashier at Tom Thumb that calls me “Beautiful” everytime I’m in his checkout line.  Perspective people.

So, just know….when I speak of Mr. Trainer  - I truly come from a place of respect, kindness, and complete thankfulness.  So many of us choose a profession that just happens…..but I do believe he’s one of those that chose one he was meant for……and I LOVE the fact that I’m not the first, nor will I be the last, of lives that he will touch in ways that he may never know. 

Now, excuse me while I think of 1,000 reasons why I should roll the eyes at him for the next session.

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