Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Conversations with Mr. Trainer: The Day I was called an Athlete and lightening did not, in fact, strike him down

So…..Mr. Trainer has now gotten it into his head that he needs to switch things up to start challenging me more so he took me into the “tire and battery” shop aka the crossfit like room……this is how it went down tonight:

Me: “What in the world is all of this?”

Y’all there were ladders laid out along with the mats, ropes, step-ups and all sorts of shenanigans.

Mr. Trainer:  “Well….you, my dear, are becoming an athlete so it’s time to step up our game.”

Me: “BA.HA.  You went to Happy Hour early didn’t you?”

Mr. Trainer:  “Look at me…..is this my sarcastic face?  You know very well that I’m serious.  You’re doing things now that a lot of people in this gym can’t.”

Me: “Whatever….we’ll see about that.”

So then he takes me through some ridiculous drills that in my head I know would make a FABULOUS SNL skit…..because I can actually see myself in the mirror and it ain’t cute.  Then he gets down on the mat to show me what he wants me to do next.

Y’all.  It was a side plank with a notsolight weight in the free hand that you actually have to lift while balancing in said side plank position…..make sense?  Yeah – me neither….but apparently it’s supposed to help your coordination and strengthen that fancy core everyone loves to talk about.  I just think it’s something that trainers must do to people because they’re in desperate need of entertainment.  Whatevs.

Me:  “HA!  You’re a funny guy.  No way in HayHay that’s gonna happen.”

Mr. Trainer:  “Would you just quit the sassy yappin’ and at least try it?  You can do a side plank like a champ….now we have to kick it up a level.”

Me:  “Ok….but I feel like I should give you Baby Sister’s phone number.  She’s my ‘In Case of Emergency’ because there are sure to be only bad things happening from here on out.”

Mr. Trainer:  “You’re allllllllll jokes tonight.  Now STOP STALLING.  It’s just you and me in here.  If it’s terrible no one else has to know.  You know I’ve got you.”

Me:  “Ok fine!  But you know no matter how it goes I WILL TELL because that’s how I deal.”

Mr. Trainer:  “GOD!  You’re such a girl.  STOP TALKING and JUST DO IT!”

Me: (Insert my most favorite eye roll here)

And then I got down on the mat…..and kind of rocked it.  SHOCKED is not an appropriate enough word here.

Mr. Trainer:  “Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh!  Ain’t got nothin’ to say now, huh princess?”

Me: “SHUT.IT.  What’s next?”

So……I’m not quite at athlete status yet.  But I WILL be so help me.  Just don’t count on me keeping my mouth shut.  Cuz I got lots to say and complain about y’all.  It’s just how I do.

No comments: