Sunday, February 9, 2014

Do you want to be made? Or do you want to be broken?

Or should I just say….the moment when she reminded her own self yet again to forgive herself.

Sometimes all it takes is someone giving you a very simple solution to a problem that seems so complex in your head.

I hit a wall.  A wall that could very much send me back into a maddening spiral of bad decisions.  I had been LAZY with stuff around the house…..only went to the gym for my assigned times with Mr. Trainer….and I’ve been WAY over indulgent in the food and alcohol department. 

And I FORGOT my own dang post about Forgiving Yourself.

I REALLY realized how much stress I was putting on myself about this when I actually had a dream where Mr. Trainer was telling me to stop it and get off my a@@!

But when I found that wall – I did something SO healthy I can’t believe it was me doing it!  I actually shared my frustration with someone who really, truly gets this whole journey I’m on.

Now, dear readers, THIS is like mind-blowing for me.  I usually take ugly things and let them fester until they make me sick or just come out in a big ugly mess of emotions.  But, I’m slowly learning to be better.  To let things go. 

You see, this friend told me a while back that sure, taking the first step may seem the hardest – but so many out there do that and then eventually stop.  It’s when you hit that wall….and he assured me I would….that defines who you are.  Do you keep pushing or do you just go back to old habits.  I heard it….kind of blew it off….because hello???  He’s a DUDE.  I’m a CHICK……and surely it has to be harder for chicks to take the first step than anyone else.  And why in the world would I want to go back when I’ve made it so far?

I have been humbled by life yet again…..NOPE!  My self righteousness took a big hit in the gut.

So my message to him was a something like, “I believe I’ve hit the damn wall.  HELP?!?!?!”  (No, I’m not dramatic AT ALL!)

His reply was simply, “Do you want to go back to where you were? Do you want all that hard work to be a waste? Take it easy for a little while, relax, then make a conscious decision to get back to it.

So I wait to reply trying to think of something positive to say but all that comes out is, “I guess I know the answer....to just do it....but there are moments when it seems so hard to do it.....” (INSERT HUGE SIGH AND WHINE HERE)

I immediately regretted that reply because c’mon……SNAP OUT OF IT MOFABULOUS!  YOU’VE LOST 57 FREAKING POUNDS.  THAT’S LIKE A WHOLE 1st GRADER!!!!  YOU CAN DO THIS!

And then the skies opened up and the world smiled upon me when I got the most simple, forgiving, affirming message back:

It seems like it is because IT IS. Take a few extra days. But you didn’t make it this far by letting hard get in the way. Everyone goes through burnout phases. Just push through it.  Remember what I told you. This is what will make or break you. Do you want to be made? Or do you want to be broken?

MIND.BLOWN.  

Huh, someone actually acknowledged it IS HARD.  Hard to get back up and do it again.  Hard to keep going.  Hard to admit you’re not some no fail exercise and healthy eating person.

I'm a firm believer that sometimes in order to be made, you have to be broken first.  And let me tell you, I’ve been in the broken and don’t like it one bit.

So with the risk of sounding like a mix of a Katy Perry and Sara Bareilles song…..(I kid, I kid….they’re both on my playlist)


This girls going to be MADE.  Just watch me.

2 comments:

K Israel said...

Way to go! One of the most profound realizations for me was that there must always be a breakdown before there can be a breakthrough. This realization has given me the ability to celebrate my breakdowns (although it is seldom right away!!)

K Israel said...

Way to go! One of the most profound realizations for me was that there must always be a breakdown before there can be a breakthrough. This realization has given me the ability to celebrate my breakdowns (although it is seldom right away!!)