So, I have a pretty big deal work meeting coming up this week.
One, where for the first time in my entire career, I will have to be in front of the crowd instead of letting Bossman do the work.
I don’t do well with being in public. One-on-one convos, I’m brilliant! Tell me I need to plan a big deal event in under a week? No problem, I’m your girl! Put me in front of a bunch of people? I clam up, turn bright red, and sweat in places I don’t even sweat while doing anything Mr. Trainer throws at me. Everytime I think about it, I swear – I throw up a little and my blood pressure shoots to questionable levels.
I was also counseled by a perky blonde this morning that’s trying to coach me in public speaking that I should probably keep to unassuming clothes, jewelry, and flat soled shoes so as to look demure. I have things I’d like to say in response to that, but shall keep that in my pocket for another time.
So, in tonight’s training session, I relayed the turn of events to Mr. Trainer. Being the ever so supportive guy he is, he replies:
Mr. Trainer: “So, what’s the big deal? You show up, you do the thing, you either get it or you don’t then you leave and come see me for another session that night.”
Me: “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND. This is huge. It makes me want to run away to Fiji and dig holes or something for a living. Anything, but this.”
Mr. Trainer: “Ok then, I get it. Think about this way….do you remember when we first started training together? We spent the first two months only working out upstairs near NO ONE. Because it was quietly understood you weren’t ready to be in front of anyone and you had to find a little confidence first?”
Me: “Oh yes, that I do remember. Terrible.”
Mr. Trainer: “Good – this is exactly the same.”
Me: “Huh?.....Um, no.”
So then I THOUGHT Mr. Trainer just moved on to something else. He proceeded to bark orders and make me do nutty things, which most don’t really intimidate me anymore.
Now, I’m not sure if this is just because I have absolutely no shame left, or that I have found a little bit of confidence…..it’s a draw. Anyways, I digress.
So, then we ended up in a small training room that is adjacent to the co-ed steam room, which I am fairly certain is never frequented by females….because, gross.
We’ve worked out there before and it hasn’t ever really bothered me because we usually go in there because the rest of the gym is super busy. Tonight, that was the case as well.
But then, a few minutes into it, things got weird, y’all. I mean, Grade A Super Weird.
A man – probably in his upwards 60’s decided to come out of the steam room to cool off and hang out by the half wall that separates the steam room “lobby” to the training room to chat it up with Mr. Trainer.
Side note: When they stand behind that half wall – they are shirtless with towels wrapped around their waist so it pretty much looks like they’re just naked traipsing around the locker room for all the world to see.
Mr. Trainer chats with him for a bit while I’m on a mat doing weird contortions and trying not to think about it.
Then the man stops talking and proceeds to watch the show. Mr. Trainer wanted me to do the horrid step-ups…..that are at least half my height….while holding obnoxious size weights. He was conscious of the weird silent guy so positioned me to where my back would be towards him. It was a tricky call….chest forward or butt back? Lesser of two evils.
So, I make it through most of them when the man goes back into the steam room….
Me: “WHAT was that?”
Mr. Trainer: “I dunno – he was being weird – I was trying to look out for you though to put you in a little less compromising spot.”
Me: “Yeah, I noticed – thanks.”
Then a few minutes later……I’m on a mat doing the terrible, no good, very bad plank push-ups and ANOTHER guy pushing 70 comes out to watch the show.
My head is now on full blast. WHAT IS THE DEAL? I HATE THIS. MAKE IT STOP.
So then the man FINALLY ventures back into the steam room.
Mr. Trainer: “Ok, that was weird too. You just have to have tunnel vision…..focus on nothing else but what you came here for. Congratulations…….you just made it through a tough workout, while sweating and shaking all kinds of bits in front of over-aged creepy guys. Now, tell me why you can’t stand in front of a board room and speak?”
Me: “Point taken. Ok. You're right, ….I can do this. I will do this.”
Mr. Trainer: “Of course you can. Now – my job here is done….go forth and shine.”
Me: “Oh, stuff it.”
Then…..while walking towards the door Mr. Trainer decides to shout out….
Mr. Trainer: “Hey Mofabulous? Wear the heels. I know it sounds sexist, because it is. But…..cliches are there for a reason. It couldn’t hurt.”
Me: “So noted, good sir.”
Mr. Trainer: “Oh – and just in case things do go horribly wrong, can you make sure it’s videoed? I’m in need for some new material.”
And that folks is how my “problems” are so carefully put into perspective. The world will not end and the sky will not fall. I’ll still have to show up to life after said meeting….I’ll still have to make it through another torture session on Thursday evening…..and I’ll still have to deal with Mr. Trainer’s sarcasm and creepy old guys from the steam room.
But, I’m so wearing the heels. I’m still just a girl, you know.